as much as i want to turn 18
i really dont want to turn 18
:/
in 2 more years, ill be 20
and ill be independent
and then 10 more years after that, people in my family will start dying

is it wrong to despise birthdays?

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

14. I don't really believe in miracles. I haven't been religious for a number of years. But on a terrible day of my life, you suddenly appeared. So it was pretty epic. I'll count it as a semi-miracle or something like that, because your timing was just rad. Thanks for pulling me out of the lame state of depression. I suddenly feel focused and driven, and I'm raring to go. Odd how a single person can change your mood so much in such a short time, no? I haven't talked to you in a loooong time, and when I say long, it's like more than half my lifetime, so I'm not really sure we can make up for lost time or if our talk is really headed anywhere. Maybe I was just lucky enough to have you as my guardian angel yesterday, and it was a one day thing. I'll be thankful if that's the case, but hopefully not though. I'd rather it be a super long term thing since from what I can tell, you've grown up super nicely~ Besides, I owe you cheese.

wow today has been the worst day ever
and im laughing at it now because i've seriously stopped caring
i dont care that walid is a jerk
and would rather play basketball with matt and justin
then go get food with me, matt, justin, david, and scott
and i dont care that katrina is controlling
and wont admit that she doesnt know how to do a fucking alasecond

fuckkkk today

since I'm on here, I guess I might as well write something public. it seems like no one ever posts anymore, except for me, and I mainly do it for future reference.

well I just wanted to say that
I'm over it
him
us
everything

and honestly, a few months from now, I won't even know what that refers to

but maybe that's not such a bad thing.

and honestly, this is the perfect time to put all the shit that has happened this break behind me
and just start over

again

but I'm really tired to building people up in my mind, and then letting those I actually care about slip away

if I could relive this year, I would have spent more time with you...

i am going to fail my math test tomorrow.

I don't know how im going to pull this off. It's freaking like midnight and im on my sk writing in my livejournal. Pathetic, I know. but I just don't know how im going to do well on my psats, sats, sat IIs, ap tests, and still manage to get straight a's in school and dance. I mean, this is it. Everything we've learned in school and what we've done in our spare time is going to be measured now. And im just really really scared im going to...screw up? I've always been the person to push off studying for the sats and now its coming back to haunt me. And sat II chinese...and me. Wow. Um I don't even know where to begin with that. I hope we're allowed to take that test more than once cuz no way am I getting an 800 on the first try. I can barely write a sentence in chinese, let alone a 100 word essay. And my mom wants me to take the sats on jan 26, which is so nervewracking. I wanted to take it in june so I would have more time to prepare. I already know im not gonna do well on the sats, or maybe its just the idea of not being able to do well.

Or maybe this isn't even about the sats anymore and its about my confidence issue with taking them. I just..idk. I know its not the end of the world but it might as well be. My whole family, not just my parents, but my grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc all think im some sort of martian genius, but im really not. My parents always tell me that im smart but lazy, but honestly I don't really think im that smart at all. Sometimes I just wish I were a normal kid from a normal family going to a normal college, but I guess id rather be pushed into achieving something beyond my grasp than to settle for something nearest to me. I guess its all a matter of perspective.

I didn't even know sat IIs were coming up so fast. My math still isn't bomb so idk when im gonna take the math one. And I don't even want to start thinking about school. Wow people won't be seeing me much this year. I think maybe shelly will be the one who sees me the most outside of school this year, and that's only cuz we're taking classes together. :/

I just want this more than anything. And I pray everyday for myself to get to a prestigious college, but its not something a miracle can bring. I've gotta work my butt off this year.

goodbye life.

what a crazy crazy weekend.
hah

im tired of trying to fix things all the time.
im tired of giving my friends second chances
i dont know why i even bother anymore.

sidekick slide!

oh and cindy
about that mall thing
im not sure if it can happen...

dbisfudfs

those of you who have been showing my entries to other people
fuck you.
and just cuz of that
you are so deleted off here.
who DOES that?

the funniest jobros thing. i watched this like 10 times and it gets me every time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENAddwwjpzk&feature=user



and then dvdc freakshow. this is the best dance ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlJahfhA3XE

happened to brennan?
when did he get so ugly?

i fucking HATE carry from oth.
I HATE HER.
UGHHHHHHHHH!

:]
its almost like old times again.
today has been the best day this week by far.

best weekend of my LIFE

comes out today!
i have to see it this weekend!